God Fearing Man

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God Fearing Woman

He said she loves me.
I believe him.
He’s sacrificed so much for the sake of our love.
I spent most of our relationship deceiving him.
Misleading him.
Believing I was making it okay by physically pleasing him.
I pretended to be a woman with a full proof plan.
It was scam.
Flem-flam.
Lying to myself and too stupid to give a damn.
What I really am, is a girl in the body of a woman.
I never knew a woman.
So I can’t do woman.
I never new discipline.
Nor self-esteem
I was made mean.
Mom and Dad were never seen.
I wasn’t allowed to cry.
My emotion were put behind the scene.
She wants me to be responsible.
I find it almost impossible.
I never seen it done since I first left the hospital.
Birthday’s were hurtful days.
Hated women cause needed Mommy’s love in the worst way.
I only loved once.
Maybe twice.
Only one of those was treated halfway right.
Now I have this one.
He’s a Christian.
I don’t believe in religion.
How could God love me and subject me to such evil conditions.

He and I are so different.
He is a part of the society that condemned me to prison.
You know the type.
Go to work everyday stay home at night.
Follow a budget, go to church, always treating people nice.
I don’t think I really want that life.
But I want him.
I can’t lie I look at my life and look at his and find his is better.
But the beast inside.
And how he knows if I’m around no harm will ever get him.
I speak the truth the way I see it.
Nobody wants that although they need it.
They see we’re free.
So why punish me for outwardly thinking outside the box.
It makes me crazy.
My only comfort is my man. Still, deep down, I know I’m not good enough.
He’s everything I need.
Who knows, maybe God is showing me he loves me.

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