Trying To Love Again, from John

From a real man ( and the love of my life)

Trying To Love Again (But Not Sure How)

I am starting to wonder if anyone really understands how to make a relationship work. Perhaps, that is too broad a statement. I am not sure that I personally know many people who know how to make their relationships work. Instead, they seem like they are in relationships that are not good to them or for them. It is rather disheartening.

Against the backdrop of the most recent Memorial Day Weekend, I watched the relationships of some of my friends and their significant others seemingly implode. If not implode, struggle to gasp for breath. I have no clue why they were unable to restrain their need to fight publicly. It doesn’t really matter what the arguments where about, I suppose. Rather than acknowledge the obvious that maybe they should not be together, they choose fight each other for relationships that are not salvageable.

I am not a pessimist. I am an optimist border on a romantic. I am just honest enough with myself to know that sex , marriage and/or children are not reasons to stay in harmful relationships. Some commitments need to be broken. The fear of loneliness does not abate merely because there is another person in the room.

A few years ago, I was engaged to a woman I kind of liked. I’m not really sure she liked me. I cannot remember either one of saying that we loved each other. I can only imagine her reasons for agreeing to my marriage proposal. I think she was more excited by the idea of marriage than marrying me. I was at a place in my life where I thought I needed a wife, even though I did not necessarily want the woman with whom I was engaged.

Fortunately, we had the sense not to go through with the marriage. It wasn’t a matter of fault. I think we were angry with each other towards the end, because neither one of could maintain the facade of being what the other needed.

I think many relationships are failing, because the people in them are not honest with each other. Another word for honesty may be intimacy. It’s easy to mistake sexual intercourse for intimacy. Often, sex is genital parts rubbing against each other.

Real intimacy happens in and out of the bedroom. Sex might be enough of a distraction between people who have little to say to each another with their clothes on. When sex isn’t enough, the arguments may be another form of distraction.

The next woman I enter into a relationship with I will tell her the truth. I am afraid of intimacy, scared of being hurt. Also, I am unwilling to use my body as a buffer against my anxiety. Depending on what she says back, it maybe the difference between trying to love again or choosing to leave before someone gets hurt again.